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Teen Dating – Sex, Violence, and Abuse
By Matched | August 31, 2008
By Jane Maria
Many teenagers merely assume that sex is a natural part of dating and even a glance at magazines and television aimed at teens gives a clear idea of just why this is so. Do not simply assume that your teenagers know the difference between dating and sex and ensure that you clearly communicate this message to them.
A significant number of parents teach their teenagers how to go about saying no to sex and suggest a whole string of excuses or one-liners. The solution therefore is to teach your child to simply say no firmly and clearly and that, while they might feel like giving a reason, they should not need to do so and merely saying no ought to be sufficient. Many teenagers think that once they have had sex with someone they cannot reasonably refuse to do so again.
The fact that they have had sex does not mean that this issue can simply be ‘ticked off’ their development list and you must make it clear that they they are free to refuse sex if they feel uneasy. You should also discuss with them the fact that engaging in sex should always be something of significance and special and that a great deal myth surrounds the significance of their initial sexual experience.
Nevertheless, you can give yourself some peace of mind by trying to ensure that your children keep themselves safe, even when they choose not to avail themselves of your advice to stand stand their ground and make sensible choices.
While teaching your children about the importance of building relationships that are based upon a great deal more than just sex, it is also essential to combine this with teaching your children about safe sex. However much you may want to do so you cannot always prevent your teenagers from engaging in sex.
Violence and Abuse
Teenage dating is not always an innocent phase of life just before adulthood. It can even turn deadly. Many times violence is after a break up in a relationship that was not previously violent. It is estimated that more 10 percent of teens nationwide are in a dating violence situation. Each case is different. Because of a teen’s age and inexperience it may be harder than adults to recognize the warning signs of abuse.
Teens often also misinterpret warning signs of dating violence which includes jealousy, possessiveness, and sexual pressure as signs of love rather than warnings signs of abuse. A little bit of jealousy especially in the beginning of relationships is usually normal. If that jealousy turns into attempts to control and manipulate person violence, it can get very dangerous.
Messages can be confusing for teens especially. A mate may surprise you with flowers and beautifully written love notes, while at the same time, if he or she is upset at you for visiting friends alone or is hiding your car keys so you cannot leave, stop accepting the flowers and the notes, the relationship is not worth continuing on with.
It is common for teenage victims of dating violence and abuse to keep the problem from their parents. They fear if they tell the parents, the parents will demand a separation. Most teenage victims of dating abuse do not want this to happen. More and more high schools are giving frequent presentations to teens. This has helped teens to see the warning signs of dating violence and abuse. Many teens will then come forth with their own stories, which can result in referrals to school counselors for further advice and instructions about their situations.
It is not always the girls who are being abused in teen dating relationships. Females are more likely to be the victims of teen dating violence, but they also can be the perpetrators. Anyone can be controlling and manipulative to the point of violence.
If you are a victim of teen dating violence and abuse and cannot tell your parents or do not want to tell your parents, at least talk to another trusted adult or school counselors about your problem.
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Jane Maria has much more information available at http://www.beateen.com/ resource for about Teen Issues. You can also visit http://www.getparent.com/ for Parenting Solutions. |
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